It's been one month since my last post and almost one month since I left my home in Taiwan. My resolutions for the new year are 1) no drinking for one year... it's a coping mechanism that needs to not be so... coping? and 2) read through the entire bible in 2011... this one, I am trying to stay caught up on, and am realizing how hard it is to make it habit and keep it going. I have never kept a resolution in my life and I think it's time to start.
I have had the opportunity to tell people about my trip to Taiwan, but I really feel I would like to tell more... I just don't know how to. I also don't know if it's me or God in me wanting to do so.... I know he gives us the desires of our heart, which are his desires, but i also know that not all desires are his... we tend to get in the way... a lot. I keep thinking about the man outside of MRT 6 in Ximen. He had a wheel-chair and would play harmonica for money, but he did it not in his chair, but laying on the ground with a bowl in front of his face. And I keep thinking about that scene and how it translates to us.
What I mean is... how often do we settle for handouts of the world when we should be striving for the gift God has to offer us. Why do we so often, have our face in the ground, performing the same routine, when god has so much more in store for us? It makes me wonder, how often do I settle for something less than I deserve? I know I've done it my entire life... relationships, jobs, school, family... I perform my routine the same, day in and out, and settle for the return of complacency and pseudo-happiness... but man.... God wants me to CHASE him, because even though I don't see it, his gifts are perfect. He gives us Joy and Peace and even though he doesn't promise us "happiness", when we rely on him to provide, we are happy and content in what he offers us.
I want more of that... I have decided that I am tired of settling and to do so now, after all He has been teaching me, is waste. And I deserve so much more than that...
