5 Days to go...

So things are coming down to the wire... I'm still waiting for grades to be posted in order for me to get my financial aid so I can finish paying for this trip. I'm going back to Missoula on Thursday to try and get everything pulled together before I am supposed to leave. Emotionally and mentally, things have been getting difficult. I'm struggling with things in my heart and in my mind, and even though I am trying to stay calm and prayerful, myself has been getting in the way. I don't like feeling like I don't have a plan. Especially for something this big.

I am missing family incredibly and I don't know that I'm going to spend Christmas with anyone. At this point, I almost don't even feel like being around people. For someone that doesn't have many friends, it would seem as though I should spend time with people during this season, but I almost want to make some coffee and wrap up in a blanket and do nothing. I didn't realize things were going to be so tough. It shouldn't surprise me, but it does a bit. Maybe that just means that when all this is over, I'll appreciate it more? Maybe God is testing my faith and my patience? Maybe this is just a time for me to focus solely on him and trust... something I have always had a hard time doing. But I'm trying to stay faithful to Philippians 4:6, 7 -

"do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

I'm still working through the do not be anxious part... I know that if I can just learn to trust Him, he will supply my every need according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. I just have to get to this place. You know what it is? I have been let down before when I thought I was going to be going somewhere and I'm scared of being let down again. This time, I have my ticket, I have what I need to go; I feel like I have put so much of myself in this, maybe in too early, but in faith as well, that I don't want to lose everything I have because I didn't have it in the first place. I don't want to be disappointed again...

Well, that's it for now. I'm going to go work on my Chinese for a little bit...

In Christ,
Gessika